We met Alphonse two dates ago. And we admit it: our thousands of complexes (so few) block us. We talk less, we dread the first night and the next edition (we are in the open and very bad manager). How to overcome our complexes in order to give our new relationship every chance?
We try not to care
The exercise is not that complicated. There’s a bunch of things we don’t care about: losing our post-its and our intern’s schedules. How does our brain react to these things which pass above us? He puts them in a corner. It’s the same with our thighs or our swollen hair. We can put them in a corner, give them less importance, on the principle that no man has died for a hair too much. It’s about putting things into perspective, realizing that no one is perfect and above all, thinking about how much that can ruin our lives and deprive us of opportunities that are nevertheless pleasing to begin with (Alphonse). What if we stopped being our own brake? Our complexes are often imaginary, or at least extrapolated. Even when they start from a real source, we tend to amplify them by creating a distorted mental image of ourselves. Our nose is suddenly a potato so this is how a potato spoils our lives. Stop! We take a step back, we put our pupate in the closet, we have a good time, at least today, by saying to ourselves: “I don’t care, potato or not. I’m going too far.” And that’s how by dint of not giving a damn, our complexes lighten up, our head too. Because of course, we may never really care, but little by little, on this path, we will arrive at a better: we will live with it, without problem.
We think about the good things we have (it happens)
It’s true, we have imperfections, flaws, things that make us complex in front of the (soon) loved one: we don’t have general knowledge and should see our noses. Yes, no. We have great teeth, rather firm buttocks, we’ve already changed a wheel in the middle of the night on a national road all alone, and we’re just singing. It’s a silly exercise, and it sometimes seems tedious to us, but grabbing a sheet of paper and a pencil, or your phone, to write down our little exploits, our great qualities and our physical assets, it makes good. List them in his head, too. But writing them allows you to visualize them, to better understand them, to take the necessary distance to record them and understand that it is not so bad, all that. So we read each other, we reread each other, before our date.
We become aware of the (potential) complexes of the other
The other is a human being, like us. The other also has complexes. To become aware of this is to go part of the way to go beyond your own. Because in the course of our discovery, physical and psychological, we will be two individuals with our worst and our best. We will play on the same ground, with the same apprehensions. What if she found me too hairy? Too skinny ? Too stupid? This kind of question also arises, we don’t have a monopoly on doubt, all that is missing is that. From the moment we understand that the other also has his weaknesses, we almost attack our own. They are normal, they will balance us. In six months, it will be my small breasts against her big belly, like.
We talk about it, we laugh about it
We can also take the party to confide in order to play down. We do not say that we have horrible thighs, with a rope at the end of the foot, just to end it. No, they say that we have eaten too much of a burger and that the beetroot trend is hot. As soon as we put the subject on the table, without programming it, but through a spontaneous joke, the other will find us true, and this is good news: when we try to build a love story, we rather want it to be authentic. Admitting your weaknesses, your complexes, the impression that our work is not classy, it’s rather touching, after all. Because yes, our complexes are not only handicaps. They are human and help build relationships… human.